OK, Fine. I know I need to talk to my kid about sex. Now what?
“When you talk to your teenager, you don’t have to sound like a sex educator. You don’t even have to appear entirely comfortable, if you aren’t. All you need to do is get the key points across, show you care, and make yourself available to listen and respond to your child’s thoughts”- Richardson and Schuster, 2003
Here are a few tips: (I realize you know most of this already because you got this kid this far, but it is worth repeating
1. Many little chats are easier than one big TALK.
2. Grab teachable moments: Is your kid watching the latest teen soap? Ask about it and the decisions those characters are making. Ask if they agree with those decisions. Ask if they think the show is an accurate reflection of teen life or about adult behavior. Then, weigh in. Or use popular music as a jumping off point. A student told me her dad turns off the radio now and then and asks if she just heard the lyrics of the song and what she thought about them. You go Dad.
3. Many parents swear by the car as a good place to talk. You are spared the awkwardness of looking at each other. Just remember, you can’t escape the car, so don’t start during hour one of a drive to Tahoe.
4. You always get a do-over. If you miss a great opening for a chat, that’s OK, you can bring it up again. Did your first attempt feel really awkward? That’s OK, too. Come back later and say, “wow, that conversation felt awkward before, I wanted to make sure that ....”
5. You don’t need to know the details of current sexual health information. You can focus on your values, consent, and decision making. You can look specific information up if you need it. In fact, looking it up with your kid might be a great activity. Check out my Sexual Health Resources on the Web section for some reliable resources.
6. Be aware of the over-share. I got the following question in 9th grade one year: “Do parents have sex?” Thinking about our parents’ sexuality or that they are sexual beings makes most people very uncomfortable. This is normal. You do not need to share details about your sex life with your kid. Most likely it will make them (and, probably you) uneasy. It is OK (and helpful) to keep the conversation more theoretical.